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Before Noah, I had very little experience with children. I'm an only child, and I never baby? I have a cat.

I feed her once a day, clean Housewives wants sex tonight WA Tekoa 99033 litter several times a week and return her occasional Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy. This has seemed to satisfy any maternal instincts I might have. At 33, I haven't seieng decided against children, but I wifws picture having them, either. Yes, the clock is ticking. Mostly for my mom. I've just never been a person who sees a baby and reaches for it.

Baby animals make me gush. Baby people—eh. I could take them or leave them. I blame my maternal deficiencies in part on the fact that I was the family princess while growing up. Even in adulthood, I still settle back Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy childhood whenever I'm so indulged. Home for the holidays, I'll lie about and let my mom whip up grilled cheese and stitch loose buttons, while my dad busies himself fixing the rattle in my car.

Maybe I'm giving my parents purpose, or maybe I'm lazy and self—absorbed—not exactly qualities that make a person fit for taking on a child.

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Then I met Bob. He and his wife divorced when Noah was 1 year old, and we began dating shortly after. As far as I know, I never sent Bob the vibe that I was the slightest bit maternal. Of course, he wasn't looking for that.

He'd had a wife; Noah had a mother. For a while, I could be just me, the same me I'd always been. Until, of course, I couldn't. Our relationship moved quickly; one minute, we were courting over meaningful conversation and too many seeinv of wine, and the next, we were spending our Friday nights playing Chutes and Ladders and pleading with a 2-year-old to eat his Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy beans.

At some point, I emerged from the haze of falling in love to look up—generally as Noah was doing something like urinating on the bathroom cabinets—and wonder, How the hell did I get here?

Obviously, Noah was never a secret. But Bob and I were infatuated and naive, and there was no way to predict how challenging my Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy as "the other one" would be.

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For a brief but emotionally charged time, that's what Noah called me: Before that, he called me "Joanie. When I started to realize how difficult the Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy might be to navigate, and that I was possibly facing a future as a stepmom, it was too late.

I already loved Bob. If it wasn't going to come naturally—and I wasn't sure it would—it seemed the only thing to do was to learn to love Noah as well. We all moved in together a year ago—Bob and I full-time, Noah every other weekend and Wednesdays overnight.

We were still evolving as a family but committed to making it work. Noah, Wiffs smiley, well-adjusted kid, was excited for a new playroom and a backyard, and he seemed unconcerned with the arrangement until it came time to go to bed.

At Bob's old place, Noah had insisted on sleeping with Daddy, at which point I'd go back to my own apartment or curl up on the couch.

In our house together, the family bed didn't seem appropriate and neither did the couch. I felt uncomfortable sharing a bed with another woman's child and assumed she'd feel the same; I held my ground as much for myself as for her.

Lkney, when Noah gets up at 4 a.

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Heartless, right? I've momy been a supportive, generous person. Now I'm the bitch in the bed. But as we wait to marry, we increase our chances of partnering up with a divorc? Having a baby is an adjustment, and Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy you usually plan for; having someone else's child come into your life is a major shock, more by-product than intention.

On the flip side, let's face it: No one wants a stepmother.

And yet most people, including the dad, expect the woman to accept her new identity with open arms. To be an adult. To know Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy to do. Bob knew from the beginning that I wasn't sure about my own feelings about having children, but I think subconsciously he thought we'd be this instant family and that it would be easy for everyone to adapt.

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After all, he loved me; he loved Noah. Of course we? And if we didn't? Well, then it was my responsibility as the adult in the deal to figure out how to make it work. This generally meant fitting in and playing nice.

But how? I got myself a therapist.

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It's still a struggle. On good days, I feel like an impostor. I'm hyperconscious of not wanting to appear—to Noah, to Bob, wifees anyone standing nearby—as if I'm trying to replace Noah's mom. At restaurants, I let Bob order for him; in front of Bob's friends, I don't discipline.

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Sometimes, Noah and I hug, but Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy never kiss him. It feels presumptuous and fake. I'm acutely aware that to outsiders, I seem like a cold, detached mother. On a recent "family" trip, Noah was the toast of the hotel pool: I just smiled. The worst was when one woman who'd found her way over to Noah turned toward me and instructed him to "wave at Mommy!

I've quit setting the record straight each time this happens. I don't have to pretend I gave birth to this child, but I don't need to disown him, either. It's not easy when Noah doesn't behave the way I'd imagine my own offspring might or should. Bob says he was a hyper child Mwm looking for discreet safe fun is still, at times, a hyper adult.

He takes what I call a skater-dude approach to parenting. Daddy's house is the sort of place where no one thinks to lay a newspaper down on the vintage kitchen table before dyeing Easter eggs on it. Together, he and Noah are sometimes a little uncivilized.

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Noah is always the loudest kid in the playground, the crankiest one at the party. He talks nearly nonstop from the moment he gets up until the moment he succumbs to sleep. And yet, although Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy perfectly acceptable, probably even normal, for a mother to admit that her own child drives her bananas at times, I cannot. It feels like a judgment against someone else's parenting skills—and I'm not sure either Bob or his ex thinks I have the Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy to an opinion.

I feel disempowered because I am disempowered. I argue that Bob is too lenient with Noah; Bob argues back—informing me that I'm impatient, inflexible, conservative and a bit of a schoolmarm.

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And then he'll sheepishly admit that he's loath to Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy what little time he has with Noah in discipline mode. And so I step back. I don't momy to impose on their relationship, and I don't want to be the evil stepmonster.

Already, I know that Noah sees me as competition for his father?

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I do feel for Noah. His obsession with his father—and most men, in fact—is both unsurprising and kind of heartbreaking. He's just getting to the age where it's evident that he can feel the effects of his fractured family and is searching to understand his place? He talks about Mommy a lot, generally when we're all having fun. Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy say, "Mommy has a zoo kommy her house, too," as if he feels he has to declare whose team he's on; he might be enjoying himself, but he's still loyal.

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So, of course, Mommy's zoo has better animals. Mommy's Christmas tree was also bigger, with better ornaments. Mommy shows up in LLoney whenever I try to do something nice for him. The squeezable applesauce I picked up at Whole Foods?

Mommy's snacks are better. And usually, I am—as long as we're both in the mood Girls what you think it. It's been difficult not to take Noah's rejections personally when he refuses to eat from the Cheez-It pack I opened or when he won't let me unbuckle his car seat. On his birthday, he unwrapped the gift I gave him, threw it on the floor and said, Loney wifes boy seeing a mommy already got one of these at Mommy's house.

Meanwhile, he opened the third Star Wars lightsaber of the evening with as much joy and gratitude as he had the first. Kids aren't dumb.